I have often contemplated and valued insights gained about the importance of integrity in people's lives and relationships. Integrity is synonymous with honesty, consistency, trust, strength, mastery, and bravery. It is not only doing what you say you will do but also adhering to the principles and aims communicated by your conscience and the need for sound progress toward fulfillment in a world of seemingly endless threats and distractions.
Integrity is imperative for a safe and sound life. Can you imagine experiencing a lack of integrity in your most treasured relationships with others and lacking it yourself? From my observational seat in counseling and my life struggles and lessons, I can attest that the absence of integrity will negatively rock the boat of your inner peace and leave you sad, insecure, unaccomplished, powerless, and deeply disappointed. In addition, what we often lack can manifest excitingly by mirroring our deficits in uncomfortable and traumatic situations.
The lack of integrity often shows itself in relationships (or yourself) through the following symptoms: lack of consistency; lacking transparency or keeping secrets about yourself so that the aspect of what other people see is not the real you; feeling confused; failure to set or lacking boundaries; dishonesty; disconnection or isolation and lacking empathy; health issues; being two faced; self-sacrificing or people pleasing instead of voicing and adhering to your actual wants and needs (cowardice); identifying or having a victimhood mentality; stealing and experiencing financial challenges; hypocrisy; displaying the habit of ignoring and breaking of agreements or rules; being recklessness, irresponsible, and self-centeredness; engaging in betrayal, infidelity and other forms of manipulation; changing your stories and opinions in order to bend to the public opinions instead of remaining steadfast; projecting disrespect; experiencing depression and failure; substance abuse/addiction; procrastination; being violent and having anger issues to name a few.
So, what is a common threat that impairs integrity? I feel it is anxiety. In a nutshell, anxiety is an intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations, which can ignite a host of varying physically, mentally, and emotionally debilitating symptoms. Elevated anxiety can further impair cognition, memory, concentration, judgment, and behavior, as nothing disrupts sanity more than unbridled fear.
Anxiety breeds a distorted misuse of one's mental attention, which can be likened to worry or self-doubt on steroids. This negative yet common phenomenon is born from our individual and sometimes genetically traumatic past. It further grows in situations lacking the presence of more significant boundaries. Without a clear set of boundaries, responsible action, consistency, trust, elevation in awareness, and confidence are defaced. In addition, dissolving integrity will devolve self-discipline and weaken self-worth. In such a case, we lose our ability to influence and master our life affairs or reality positively. No wonder so many can fall into depression or experience a mental health crisis.
Ultimately, the lack of integrity exposes inner contradiction by revealing two or more aspects of a person being in conflict. It is a form of self-betrayal or attack against oneself because it brings a person out of alignment with either the truth of what you know or did not know fully is correct or sound. This is the reason and catalyst for the out-picturing rise in global wars, divorce, political corruption, poverty, and the demoralization found in our modern society.
Missing the mark or making mistakes is an inevitable part of life. We all have had a struggle with the fearful beliefs of either not having, not controlling, or not being good enough. People can exercise sound integrity in their business dealings yet lack it when it comes to diet and caring for their bodies. Sometimes, people seek to preserve themselves by making compromises or fragmenting themselves to cope with anxiety and the lack of integrity until doing so becomes a detriment to them and their progress. Yet, our progress is often built upon conquering the rocky terrains of ignorance and fear.
We think and process endless information about potential threats and interactions every waking hour. We react, reflect, seek achievement, excitement, validation, refuge, and rest. We make choices, create goals, convey expectations, live on the edge of endless uncertainty, and learn lessons from our human experience. With so much happening and so many demands, the need for deep introspection, self-discipline, and self-care often takes a severe back seat. We, in turn, can become myopic, shallow, and impatient in wanting our desires fulfilled, leaving ethical practices to take a back seat.
There is a call for many to align and increase principled self-awareness and consistency. When navigating through perceived challenges, it's not uncommon for us all to have many sides to our personality, where we find ourselves being or acting differently with various people and situations we engage in. We are multi-facet beings living on a planet of immense diversity, so acting out of integrity is a way of dealing with threats or seeking to adapt. Our innate goal is to cope, progress, and gain validation. Sometimes, a person lacking robust coping strategies can be led to take the shortcut by suspending the practice of integrity. This only reveals a person's fear of being without, not being validated, or succumbing to a perceived uncomfortable outcome. It further blurs the lines of self-respect, making it very difficult to master their affairs spiritually and ethically.
Some tips I find encouraging to help clients reconnect and sustain their practice of integrity are found in the following insights and practices:
1) BE CLEAR, AUTHENTIC, AND HONEST with yourself and others in communicating your desires, goals, and actions. Understand that the values and principles you consider imperative and necessary for sound relations with others are the soil that fertilizes your manifested experiences. We can never escape the truth or the effects of violating sound ethical practices. You cannot expect a greater good from others what you are unwilling to practice. Therefore, fulfill your promises by keeping your word because a man or woman of their word inspires, influences, achieves, and gains respectful merit. Communication and subsequent ethical actions are pillars of your reputation and overall life experience.
2) PRACTICE MINDFULNESS and DON'T ACT IMPULSIVELY because your goal is not to be perfect but to be mindful. Mindfulness is awareness of what is happening within and around you with a sense of non-judgment. Being reactive or impulsive is a sign of anxiety, which impairs judgment, creates self-doubt, as well as disrupts the practice of integrity. Take deep breaths when you feel anxious, hesitant, and unsure. Become keenly aware of your mental and emotional space, especially if it's negative or uncomfortable. Remember that fear calls for keener introspection, reassessment, and re-directing of intentions. There is no need to rush anyone or commit to anything without complete and sound reasoning. Being present or calm helps considerably during conflict.
3) MAKE EVIDENCE-BASED DECISIONS, which means focusing heavily on the facts and what can be proven. Questioning more and conducting reliable research to support sound reasoning never hurts. Refrain from people-pleasing behavior or doing things you don't want to do because of underlying guilt, misunderstanding, and fear of not being validated. Utilize critical thinking. Can you prove something is right or wrong? Are you making decisions out of guilt or need for validation? Can you see the advantages and disadvantages in the outcome of your chosen action? Don't act until you are sure your subjective concept about what is right or wrong is as objective as possible. Value others' opinions as helpful assistance to become better informed in your decisions, even if they contradict your beliefs. Don't allow yourself to make decisions steeped in high emotional appeal, unbridled enthusiasm, or irrational fear, as all can create blind spots that make one susceptible to delusion and desperation.
4) GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. Fear and uncertainty are a natural part of human life. They exist not to intimidate your integrity into a submissive state but to awaken deeper introspection. So allow yourself to question, become present or patient, gain more information, and choose wisely. Therefore, seek to reframe fear and uncertainty into OPPORTUNITIES, which can complement and usher you into a more consistent ethical practice. We are less likely to feel afraid or resistant when we see something as benefiting (i.e. opportunities). Comfortability can be a sign of perceptual fluency, which makes things easier to process and puts us in a better mood- less anxious. A better mood supports us being confident enough to do what is ethically correct. While nothing is always easy, what may be challenging can also be worthwhile. Consistent integrity takes sustained courage or bravery, whereby neither reflects the absence of fear but requires us to do what is right in the presence of fear.
5) MAKE INTROSPECTION and PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT A TOP PRIORITY. Introspection is self-care, so explore your existing or arising contradictions like a philosopher. Become more curious rather than judgmental about the opposing facets of your personality. You are a continued evolving work in progress. Challenge yourself by questioning your values, principles, and sense of right and wrong. What facets of your life challenge you most in demonstrating integrity or being consistent? Exercise or diet? Sales or business matters? Relationships? Explore the origins of your values or lack thereof. Practice self-compassion as you seek to align your contradictions with ideas, values, practices, or actions that are sound and supportive of improving yourself and your relationships. Allow yourself to appreciate that it will breed understanding and change when facing challenges. This is self-mastery or personal development in action, born from our vast contrasting experiences and lessons.
6) BE ACCOUNTABLE WHEN OUT OF ALIGNMENT. We all fall short in our ethical practices in varying facets of our lives. Allowing yourself to admit your errors or mistakes to yourself and others, even when you hurt, harmed, or profoundly disappointed someone, helps foster better relations and healing or possibly restore trust while increasing your awareness, humility, and strength. Yes, it makes you far more vulnerable. Yet, vulnerability ultimately is a strength for which your character needs to sustain ethical practices and sound relations with yourself and others. Accountability breeds control or mastery. Accountability is about your actions, which speak louder than words, as people are far more likely to pay more attention to what you do.
In conclusion, sound ethics enhances and safeguards your mood, character, life experience, and relationships. Your practice or lack of training with integrity mirrors your conscience, which is the foundation of your behavior, life experiences, and legacy, which influences all who come through and before you in your human existence. So, demonstrate yourself wisely.
By: Dr. Steven Palmer
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